Book One, Page Twenty-Five. The Big Beef.
Here it was the middle of Lent, and the table was covered with steaks. But how could one resist beef at Maison Bavette? On the menu was the famous quotation from Carême: "Beef is the soul of cooking." Genie and Mario Marks split a chateaubriand. Jerry and Julie carved up a porterhouse.
"It's one of the miracles of our marriage," Jerry said. "She likes sirloin. I like filet. We get a porterhouse and we're both happy. Even the dog gets a bone in the deal."
"I thought you veterinarians said that it was bad to feed people food to dogs," Genie asked, always happy to challenge an authority.
"I think it's a bad idea, but Julie makes me do it," Jerry said. "After all, what the hell do I know about dogs?"
"Steak bones are about the only people food we give them," said Julie, frowning. "We eat at home so seldom that we don't have many leftovers, and big hunks of meat are about the only doggie bags we take from restaurants."
"Is that true?" said Genie. "Then I see a problem. If you two are going to open a restaurant, how can you do it if you never cook? Isn't that, like, a primary qualification?"
"I know what's good," Jerry said. "I can hire a chef for the details. In fact, I think I already have one. If things work out, I think she could become a major star. She's a big red-headed fireball with a mouth on her!"
"Wow!" said Mario. "Show me the pictures of her naked!"
Genie meant to give him a fake slap, but knocked his glasses off. "Whoa! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that!" she said. "However, you did deserve it."
"I wonder what Freud would say about all this," Jerry said. "Anyway, I don't think you're kinky enough to want that picture. She's a little on the fat side. I'm having lunch with her and her old uncle, who owned the drugstore."
As he said all this, Julie studied Jerry. The male-to-male transmission was exactly what made her uncomfortable about Winifred.
"Well, anyway, that's not what we came to talk to you two about," she interrupted. "My problem is that I'm not so sure it's a good idea for us to work together on this restaurant. In fact, I'm not sure the restaurant is a good idea, period!"
"What? Since when?" said Jerry.
Although Julie had thought this all along, she hadn't said it to Jerry. What a funny time for it to come out. With friends, in public.
"Working together is no big deal," Genie said. "The problem is deciding who's going to be the boss of what. That's what started the big argument last year. And I gotta tell you, it's still out there. Never settled it. Mario and I just had to let it go if we were going to live together. We give each other a wide berth at the store. But, to tell you the truth, I think it's hurt business."
"How?" asked Julie.
"Well, like, we had the chance to take over another toy store. It would have been the perfect way to expand. Then the space in the strip mall next to us opened up and we talkked about moving into that. I'm not going to tell you who wanted what and why, but every time we talked about it all we could do was argue. So somebody else bought the other toy store and somebody else moved in next door. And what did we do? We split up for a year, and took our first annual loss in the business. Lose, lose, lose, all because we couldn't agree on who decides what."
"Only one good thing came out of it," said Mario. "We came back together, had the biggest argument yet, but then had the best sex of our lives. Suddenly, it was over."
"Well. . . I'mnot so sure about that," Genie said.
"Well, all that wouldn't be a problem for us," said Julie.
"You say so now," said Genie. "But you're into real estate, Julie. What do you think about this building?"
"Frankly, I'm not nuts about it."
"See what I mean? And what if the redhead chef really is a hot babe and starts getting a lot of attention? You comfortable with that?"
"I wouldn't let a hot redhead work in the kitchen with Patrick," said Aline, who had once again materialized right next to the table.
