Monday, July 30, 2012.
Back To Plan A.
Every job--even among the most envied--has its occupational hazards. Movie stars are harassed by media. Politicians get bribe offers. Chefs cut and burn themselves. Radio talk show hosts become insane.
Restaurant critics eat too much, and suffer from the effects of that. I am more frightened of this right now than I have ever been. I can no longer continue the eating regimen I have followed my entire adult life.
Fortunately, I have known that this moment would come for years, and I have an alternate plan ready that will allow me to keep on writing and talking about restaurants and cooking. In fact, I have followed it for some time. Just not very assiduously.
The technique is: I only eat the good stuff. And even the good stuff stops being good after you've eaten enough of it. I just don't eat what I don't really feel hungry for.
That's the ideal, anyway. Like all other mortals, it's hard to keep from eating everything that's put in front of me. Not only is the allure of continuing to shovel it in, but there is the sense of loss when you leave edible food behind. Back when I first employed the Restaurant Critic Diet* in 1984, I learned to ignore that.
It's also fortunate that I was forced into eating much less than usual last year, when a broken ankle kept me close to home, and eating mostly my wife's cooking. Which does not, let's say, inspire one to gorge.
So here we go. My usual light, juicy breakfast was followed five hours later by one slice of cheese pizza. Then another one six hours after that. (It was the Isabella's job reported on here a couple of days ago, and it didn't get any better.)
I got a call from Walgreen's, which noticed that I was on a new medication. The lady told me that the main side effect is that it runs down my potassium. "So eat an orange or a banana," she advised. Can do: I eat two oranges every day already, and I just happened to have a couple of bananas. I didn't ask for this advice. It just came from out of the blue. The competition among drugstores is really getting stiff.
Right before I went on the air, my blood pressure numbers were down to a little less than 120/80--the usually-quoted normal level. I have not seen that result in many years. But I'm sure this was a fluke.
And I can't say I'm feeling exactly right. When I opened the microphone to go on the air at three, an anxiety attack came on, and I considered for a moment not going forward. What a wimp! I did, of course, and then everything was fine.
I felt even better--perfect, really--after cutting the grass for an hour and a half after the show. I'm almost positive this is all in my head.
Almost.
*The Restaurant Critic Diet, in its entirety: 1) Don't have any food at home. B) Only eat in restaurants, but different ones every day. III) Order a normal meal, but different dishes every day. 4) Eat only half of what's served. Leave the rest on the table, and go home. I lost 60 pounds in a year doing only this.
It's over three years since a day was missed in the Dining Diary. To browse through all of the entries since 2008, go here.
