Thursday, June 13, 2013.
The Hamburger Conundrum.
The Age Of Upscale Hamburgers continues to command the attention of eaters. Grown-ups ordering dinner in otherwise appealing gourmet bistros find themselves saying, "You know, I think I'll just have the burger."
They think they'll just have the burger? What a laugh! They want that burger, because they heard somebody say that this place has the best hamburger in town. The same thing is being said about dozens of other restaurants, whether hamburgers are a specialty or not. Most of these are better than average--nobody's that stupid. But the strongest force in this equation is working not on the customer, but on the restaurateur: a hamburger is highly profitable and requires much less attention than, say, the duck dish on the same menu. Restaurants aren't frustrated to see their customers ordering burgers. They love it when that happens.
The funny thing is how few of these NewBestBurgers show much of an uptick in goodness. They're just bigger, have more exotic cheeses and dressings (maybe), are pattied in house, and are more expensive.
During the past couple of weeks, we've analyzed this issue on the radio show, and there seemed to be almost complete agreement that a) the buns are terrible almost without exception and 2) the crusty exterior and juicy interior we give burgers we cook at home (because that's the way we like them) is almost never seen in restaurants.
Today I had my first sampling of a big new hamburger specialist called Charcoal's. It's in a new, spiffy building on the corner of Magazine and Jackson, with an interesting concept. You order at a counter if you want to get an order to go or to eat quickly with minimal service right there. If you want a beer and an appetizer and table service, you go upstairs.
I went upstairs, of course. At a long table that could hold ten people or so, I ordered a dark beer. I consulted with the waiter (who also appeared to be the bartender) as to which among the many varieties of burgerized meat was the most interesting. They grind their own venison, elk, and buffalo, among other exotic species, he told me. They also bake their own buns, in several different kinds. The cheeses come from St. James Cheese Company. It's all very persuasive.
The waiter lost me when he said he liked the turkey burger, but he had good things to say about the elk and the antelope. I settled on the buffalo burger. Or was it the elk? But, having not eaten all day, I thought I'd get a salad beforehand. The beet, goat cheese, avocado and arugula salad sounded good. The waiter said it was entree size, but for $11 I thought it was a reasonable deal.
Four or five four minutes and three advisories from the waiter that the salad would soon be coming out, I began to suspect I was in for another episode in that maddening show, playing in restaurants all over town: "The Whole Meal At The Same Time!" And here the salad came. I started the timer on my phone and dug in. The salad was served in a metal bowl. The dressing, like most salad dressings, was acidic with vinegar. What do you never do with highly acidic foods? Put them in a metal bowl. And why? Because the vinegar reacts with the metal, giving a metallic flavor. I wish I hadn't thought about that, because the effect was so subtle that I might not have noticed it. (Still not a good idea.)
I heard clanging bells. This is the neighborhood in which Mary Ann and I were married, so my first thought was that the steeple at St. Mary's was ringing. But it was my phone timer. One minute and thirty-eight seconds after the salad showed up, here was the hamburger.
480
Let's start with what I liked about it. The bun was made from broche dough, giving it a little more interest than the usual soft kind. And it had the standard circumference, instead of the oversize buns most premium burgers do. The bun was toasted. A little rack of sauces (ketchup, mayo, aioli, Creole mustard and yellow mustard) came out.
And the fries--the one aspect of the NewBestBurger movement that's unarguably an improvement--were fresh-cut and hot out of the fryer. There were more little stubby ones than I would have preferred, but never mind.
On the other hand, how does one take a bite out of a hamburger that stands five inches high? My jaw isn't nearly big enough. And after a few bites, pieces of lettuce, tomato, burger and bun were falling onto the counter (or my lap). Past about a third of the way in, it needed to be disassembled to be eaten.
I would never get that far. The burger, ordered medium-rare, was chilly in the center. I didn't look or ask about the charcoal aspect, but one of the advantages of cooking over charcoal is that the fuel kicks up a mean heat--just what you want for burgers. But this was just browned, and inside it had an overground texture, one I found offputting. I picked off the cheese and bacon and ate that. A few bites of salad from the shiny bowl. A last bite of burger (which had no game flavor that I could pick out), and I gave up, paid up, and got up. The waiter--who really seemed to care--offered to get the burger taken off the check. I told him not to, gave him an above-average tip, and evacuated the premises.
This place needs further thought and research. More dishes that taste good, and less emphasis on dishes that just sound good. House-ground beef, applewood-smoked bacon, and house-baked buns do not guarantee deliciousness.
The Marys did something today that struck me as sheer lunacy. They checked out of their hotel in Miami (where else but the Ritz Carlton?) at six a.m. Central, and drove all the way home by way of Jacksonville. But that's nine hundred miles! I didn't think they'd make it, but they did. Mary Ann drove the entire way. (Mary Leigh doesn't like driving MA's car.) They beat me home.
Charcoal's Gourmet Burger Bar. Uptown 1: Garden District & Environs: 2200 Magazine St. 504-644-4311.
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